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The Y With A Sprinkle of Confusion

The Y With A Sprinkle of Confusion

I don’t get it!  I really don’t!   What seems obvious and logical is not assimilated the same way by other creatures of the human species.   I have a lot of questions.  I have a lot of doubts.  I have a lot of wondering if anything we do can and will make a difference.

Today is six months since Jimi passed.    It has been hard and I wonder why it remains so.   I know and see they beauty and blessed nature around me.  And, I am in participation with that creation at a level not known to me.   But, what is it for? I keep asking myself that question over and over.    




I wish I could get an answer and I wish that answer would come loud and clear from Jim.  I wonder if he does want to communicate with me but can’t..or maybe has rules and regulations too that prevent him from connecting in ways us human’s can understand.    I don’t know.   And, I ask “why don’t I know?”

They say it is because it is faith.   If you have faith, you sorta accept things.   It is just the way they are.   Well, I could go down rabbit holes with that one.   I don’t know why but I am still creating.    I don’t know why but I am still trying.  I don’t know why but I am still giving it my all.

And, it sucks!

I want to share this with Jim.  I want him to be here…to see be a part of it.   I want him to contribute and complain and confuse me.   I want him to challenge me, to stop me, to light me up.    

I won’t stop…doing what I do.  But, it is getting harder and harder.    I believe in what i do and what I know and still feel it is important for the future.  But, I am tired.  I wonder if I am just plain crazy?   

Enough for tonight!
I can’t even describe that feeling of missing…the loud, heavy, relentless notions that seem to suffocate me.   But, I still try.   


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