Letters to Jim

These are letters I write to Jimi since he left us. They are conversations I wish we had, a continuation of those we did and a space to continue to talk with him.   

I do not think you can ever “move on” after a loved one passes. They are always with you. I don’t want to move on, as such. He remains alive in my heart and these letters will express this intimacy (in to you and me).    

Jimi and I were not perfect.   We had our issues and our divisions.   Sometimes it was messy.  I tried to talk to Jimi alot about things I saw as divisions.  He seemed to respond to me that I was being negative.   I noticed he wasn’t looking good or acting nice about 2 1/2 years ago.   This was the same time we were acquiring the “land”.    In New German Medicine (NGM), they say when an event clears past hurts, the conflict arises (to be healed) (https://www.totalhealthinstitute.com/german-new-medicine/) 

No one can understand this conflict “work” other than the person with the conflict.    NGM is a different view to “healing”.   Jimi had lost a beautiful lady name Ruchel, his previous partner a few years prior to me coming into his picture.  It was right after they came to Ecuador to follow their dream (the same dream we held together).   She past when she was 58 after a long and hard battle with cancer.   Many who knew Ruchel told me how much we were alike.   I am sure Jimi felt that too.  Trying to help, warn and divert Jim was difficult.  He was a strong, stubborn man (and that is why I loved him).    He also became seriously ill after Kaya was taken from world.   Is it possible he was grieving the child he never had?  

 I’ve had many a tear over this…before and after his passing. Cancer is anger manifested.    Jimi was the most generous and kind man I have ever known…and he was very hard on me too.   I suppose under my “armour of strength as a women” I am like a dainty sensitive flower that gets crushed easily.    Jimi and I did talk about this near his end…he told me I was the most precious thing he had ever met…a strong and vulnerable at the same time.  He apologized any hurt he caused.   At the time, I shrugged him off…now I am grateful I heard those words.   He said Mishka’s song Coastline Journey was his song to me.

 For that I am eternally grateful.  Here are my letters to my best friend….

Why she does, what she does
your guess is good as mine
I’ve been seeking head highs and above
right now a ripple would be fine

She make me fall so in love
she’s got me riding so high
she tests my patience just because
she knows that she’s the only one who is on my side

She captures my imagination
and everything in between
she fills my soul with inspiration
and she washes my spirit clean