I am working on owning it! Owning the alone!
I either do this or I experience the lesson again in another form, shape or happen-stance.
That means I embrace the suffering. Whether you want to admit it, or not, we all suffer. No one has the pass. We often blame others for our suffering. And, in that statement, there is a dark magic that doesn’t nothing more than trips us up and pushes us away from self-realization.
I am taking responsibility for what I am experiencing. My suffering lately seems unending and it seems to also be deepening and maturing, like wine. It comes into my experience via loss, family, wounds of those around me and wounds I created for myself. It is a portal door to opening my heart. What does all this mean?
I am realizing..the more pain you feel, the more love you can feel. At some point it stops or diminishes as being about me and takes on a collective flavour. Maybe that is the purpose of suffering? It connects us! It is a teacher.
Over the last 7 months, I have experienced loss. It is not only Jimi, my Father passed, my Daughter abruptly let my world taking my adorable grand-daughter with her. In recent days, I experienced another loss that has left me holding a precious dream and creation alone. I won’t go into the “more details” of this one because it was a blip that triggered me to look at the losses and what they all mean.
It is a mystery. It is a cauldron, a vessel, medicine and a chalice. I have shared that Jim’s loss felt like a tough medicine. And, I have been drinking it. It really has been just over 3 months since he left and the daily experiences of grief surprise me.
So, it is grace. It must be to accept this journey and the losses as a means to new creation. I feel this acceptance is necessary to create art. It is, I think, I imagine, the route and root to my heart inside my heart. Maybe it is my greatest truth? Maybe fated with intention to kick my ass into a new view or acceptance. Nevertheless, I continue the creation and find it is happening…the art!
We all have basic frequencies that pattern us for our survival. My is my will. And, it manifests into the physical realm as isolation. But, that just means I understand our spiritual walks as a thread of connection but walking it alone.
I am creating. I am creating a lot. It is behind the scene or the curtain of alone-ness. It means the work is invisible. And, I realize that is where I am most creative and artful. Almost everything I do is not for me but I enjoy doing it. It will be shared abundantly. There is the paradox.
When I experienced the four years of living in the forest, outdoors and raw, I came to the conclusion self sufficiency could not be attained “alone”. You needed many hands. That view is now changing again. Perhaps I can…perhaps I am….fulfilling the self-sufficiency with the gift of being alone. I sure do get a lot done that way.
The withdrawal into this new perspective might be a blessing, might actually be the source of magic for artful creation!!!
