Follow me on

I Wait, I Create, I Share. I Ambedo

I Wait, I Create, I Share. I Ambedo

I really wish I could find the words to describe the feelings and experiences.   The sense of loss is not easy to describe.   It is wave of longing coupled with never, evers again.    The realizations seem cruel to be honest.    It just doesn’t make any sense.   Why have this beautiful life mixed with such suffering?   

Maybe it can be compared to a plant producing its most sacred flowers and fruits only to die back into dormancy and death after the pinnacle of purpose has been surmounted?    So, if that is the case, life is about fruition.   

It is an Ambedo. From the dictionary of obscure sorrows, Ambedo means  “a kind of melancholic trance in which you become completely absorbed in vivid sensory details—raindrops skittering down a window, tall trees leaning in the wind, clouds of cream swirling in your coffee—which leads to a dawning awareness of the haunting fragility of life…”   It is in the little things.  it is in those things unseen in memories.   I don’t get it.    So, I write….

What is it all about?
I am Ambedo 
You have gone ahead or somewhere
Are you looking back or forward
I am not sure.
I stay for now.

What is it about?
I have seen, known and unknown.

and everything in between
have been and not been
I have not
and have much
and nothing and everything

And I still create

Do you forgive me?

Do you love me?

day after day and night after night

After it all?
I try to understand
I am not sure I do


My life is my only witness
that charges and changes me ahead
To what, I don’t know
You taught me to invent
I created and still do

Your disappearance is fading
once gone,
to reappear again, maybe
In my actions and doings
Deep inside
and on the outside

I hold the foundation

It is against my will but let it be

I am tired
But how do I undo myself,
surpass myself,
laugh to let it go
in sufferings face
I invite

And wait for the right kind

of perilous

how to find
a way
to die….
To be with you again
One more time
When fruition says it is time
Are you here?
Can you hear?

Why is that one way?

We can build perfect plans with precise details and the exact steps we need to take. But life can always introduce a variable when we didn’t expect that tosses our perfect blueprints out the window. These are life’s curveballs.  They can come in the shape of a loss or a gain. We can never know when these things will happen but they always do. No one is immune from broken expectations and interrupted plans.

And yes, it’s a noble act to author your own story instead of solely acting from what you’ve inherited. But as we seize our agency and make empowered choices it would be wise to remember that we are not simply the authors of our lives. We are co-authors with life.

Events can arise that change the entire direction of our narratives. The curveballs are coming.

It is not stopping me from aiming high and advancing in the direction of the dreams.

Sometimes these curveballs turn out to be exactly what was needed.  By pushing us in directions we could have never envisioned, we become more than we could have ever imagined.    And, we will meet again.


Translate »
Follow Purple Carrot Club on
%d bloggers like this: