You know what? You taught me so much! And, mostly to ignore the “riff raff” of human nature. You really were good at that! You were also pretty sure most of the world (or the characters of this world), were stupid…dumb and pretty clueless. I am honored that i was not on that end of the spectrum. i also know that you were often confused, but curious, at what or who I was (am) too. Life is funny that way!
There is a few things I want to share with you tonight! Areas where I think you and I “got it to-gether”and made it happen.
First, I miss you a lot! What the fuck, Jim! How come you are not here to hear my rants, racings and ragings? I think this “now” experience is still raw..roar..and rare…for me.
Second, we got our first tests of the compost of the microbiology today. It was a cool mixture of characters who came to learn, gather and implement this science. I know you were proud of me when I got the scholarship for this course. You knew instinctively this was “it”. All the bull shit we deal with daily and we had a chance to get to the core of what it means to be holding magic in our hands – the soul of the soil – you knew it, got it and felt it. In your last days you told me so! And, I totally knew! I remember when I snuck in a lecture of study, you listened….attention..something special eh? And, yep, not what we thought or were taught in the natural realm of things…we are just beginning to understand sacred science of the soil and soul.
Today we started the test piles. Three different tubes of mixtures manufactured from our land and local area. We are manifesting, eh? And, the crew, the team, the Purple Carrot Club..well, they rock, man!
Third, hey we mixed you…as wyrd as that is. We took your ashes and blended it into our Mother pile. This, my love, is you present in the non-present. For me, this is ceremony of you staying here with us as much as possible in the material world. It was simple as I scattered you. It was sweet! There you are! You are a part of this!
Four…hey, we got eggs and lots of eggs. Three days ago 7. Yesterday 3 and today 4. We started out with a girl and a guy (Mr Bean)..and it takes time. Time can often screw you up. You were always saying “where is the eggs?” Nature is slow, sometimes. The eggs have started..and way more to come. I am both glad and sad. Not all of those who are doing the full cycle of life get it takes time. They will take short cuts..and eventually they cut short. As you know, I never complained about the speed (or lack of) when it comes to nature. I think you were getting this…go with the flow…and let down your need to succeed. Nature is amazing and beyond our control. Nature can often be cruel..as I experienced with you death. We may never fully understand her…but for those who stand in waiting, we will get it. Time! Patience! Acceptance of what appears to be cruel.
Five, things are strange without you. I know, I know, I keep saying and writing this about you and to you. But, they are! I still feel it sucks you left right at the time things were about to generate!
Six, I think I am on super high drive. I have always thrived in this energy. Yep, I can be a spaz even at 50+. I actually think you and I were the pre-cursors to the label ADHD. We both had this affliction, didn’t we? We were not diagnosed though…as we were the newbies…the first wave. But, I am on forward fast, ADDDDDDDDD drive. It helps me right now…to not get bogged down and to feel I am honoring you. I saw this in you…and you in me! We are the wyrd ones. It shows other’s up..so much so that they need to rebell, fight, attack and dismiss. You and I were cut from the same clothe…so screw the lazy ones. Our generation doesn’t sit on our ass and wait or expect shit to happen. (thank you Daddy)
Seven, the magic number! Seven! The days of the week..the numbers I count since you left. Seven, the first dual syllable after zero. Seven, associated with intuition, mysticism, inner wisdom, and a deep inward knowing. But, really, seven…the hard work of life that you and I “got”. I get!
Eight…or eighth. The infinity symbol, I think! It winds round and round. Do we? Always? I hope so!
Nine..completion! I am 9 in all levels of numerology! I think that means I am a spaz. I do and can do what most can’t…with directed energy, of course. Can you give me more of nine?
Ten, completion for tonight! I wish I could have known the “me” sitting here writing this tonight when you were still here. We talked a lot..I was aware, in one sense. But, you responded with cock-eyed view and responses that made it uncomfortable. I wish the “me” today…could be sitting here with you here..but not. Maybe I am! Been a full on day..and so “wish you were here!” I suspect (and question) how much you actually know and get now? I know it is different, but what is your struggle now…and can I help? Can I still be a part of you outside the reality I live?
Love me….I love you more!