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A comrade recently asked me “is all the alchemy you are doing changing you?”   It came at a time when I was deeply feeling the “missing” of Jim.   I couldn’t answer.  That question has been carving me deeply since.   In fact, it has spun me into a dark night.      

The past week has been difficult.   There is a settling in of aloneness and a longing for each day to be done and over.   I look around me and I am, for sure, one of the lucky ones.    There is  enough growth, color, sweet sound and creation-dom all around me.  So, I feel a little humbled.      The stage is set for so many deep and colorful happenings.  It is a lot of work.  It is work I do alone.   I don’t stop.  I can’t stop.  And, then I realize the “stop” is the muse on what the hell is going on?   

The Layers

I have walked through many lives,
some of them my own,
and I am not who I was,
though some principle of being
abides, from which I struggle
not to stray.
When I look behind,
as I am compelled to look
before I can gather strength
to proceed on my journey,
I see the milestones dwindling
toward the horizon
and the slow fires trailing
from the abandoned camp-sites,
over which scavenger angels
wheel on heavy wings.
Oh, I have made myself a tribe
out of my true affections,
and my tribe is scattered!
How shall the heart be reconciled
to its feast of losses?
In a rising wind
the manic dust of my friends,
those who fell along the way,
bitterly stings my face.
Yet I turn, I turn,
exulting somewhat,
with my will intact to go
wherever I need to go,
and every stone on the road
precious to me.
In my darkest night,
when the moon was covered
and I roamed through wreckage,
a nimbus-clouded voice
directed me:
“Live in the layers,
not on the litter.”
Though I lack the art
to decipher it,
no doubt the next chapter
in my book of transformations
is already written.
I am not done with my changes.

I am not done with my changes.   And, I see things differently to most but that doesn’t mean I am crazy.   What I miss most about Jim, today, is his company and the reality that I never saw his uniqueness in opposition as crazy.  I honored that within him.  And, although I never considered myself on the fringe, I am.    I am out there!       Very few “see” me…and he did.   I keep doing it and going for it and then remember he is gone.   Ooooof!  He was my partner in this regard.

It is not only missing Jim.  I am baffled and bamboozled by the legal stance of the powers of the world who are moving fast to dick-take mandatory vaccines.   What happened to natural immunity?  What happened to our natural freedom to choose?  What happened to rational and logical discussions and debates?    Were all those campaigns about abortion and drugs simply are testing prelude to today’s other words, a test to see how we would react?   

I am sad because I do not feel the general public are receiving the truth.    I am sad because I am aware of a “plan” and “plans” put in place that have swayed and maneuvered the general consensus perfectly planned.  I am sad because most people want “the facts” in order to be influenced.   Why?  Why is “fact” such a thing?    And, where does “fact” come from?  Smart people?   Who is smart?    I am sad because they “tell us” over and over what they are doing and yet people submit and surrender.  I am sad because my family and loved ones are either forced into submission or are willingly doing so because of the deep programming.

Is this alchemy?    What is alchemy?   It is the transformation of substance.    They say it is a science and maybe the initial considerations of science.  But, science today does not include any aspect of the philosophical and spiritual components and compartments of alchemy. And, then, the fundamental christians say Alchemy’s connection to sorcery, occult wisdom, and paganism should be enough evidence that it is unbiblical. But there is a more basic reason why they say alchemy is wrong— apparently, it’s aimed at producing earthly treasures, including wealth and longevity.    I debunk this because it is a process that each and every person experiences.   It depends upon the intent.  If the intent is for power and control, yes, it is wrong and immoral no matter what your faith is.    But, the elements of alchemy in the transformation of the human being seeking reason, order and understanding does not necessarily mean a desire for  power and control.   

So who is taking control?  Who is taking the power?    We are at a collective level where we have given that power and control to the systems and those with long letters and numbers behind their names.   Did they alchemize us in the dark sense?   Are we in trouble?   It is the reason, I think,  we need to take control of our food supply. Not just this but this mentality of what’s ok to call food is unacceptable and all gone wrong.  We do not even know what pure food is anymore.    The alchemizing science should be what we are following but it’s not the case. We are following profit and power to make more profit that gives more power … to the wrong people. It doesn’t matter if we live in the most powerful culture when that culture is responsible for promoting the death of the planet.  That is NOT alchemy.

This speaks to me and I hope is resonates with others.

First came genetically modified crops.  Now, with the vaccine, we are altering our own DNA via the mRNA and, yes, we are modifying nature.    This is wrong….. and we can’t do it anymore if we are going to remain “natural”   So much is wrong in this picture. The only thing we have the power to do is take control of our own food. If you’re lucky enough to have land use it and help others, make a community food forest … do something with it.

Yes, I am sad.  I am very much alone too.   I am doing the task of more than a handful of most in this world.   I know Jimi saw this in me.  I miss him a lot.  I am doing and covering his end of things.    I try to see the bright side and I am grateful.  But, I must say “what the fuck” people?    Wake up?   Does alchemy include doing it for yourself?  I mean, when you are transforming and transmuting and it is not seen or experienced by anyone other than you?  Is that alchemy?   

 I alchemize and I think about checking out too.  Is this worth it anymore?   It is more about freedom from core wounds.  And, none of us are immune…NONE OF US!   There is such a deep and dark play on our minds.  I don’t know the answer..but I alchemize and work it…and do it and try it and keep on being, doing and trying.  And, it fucking hurts. It is not easy.  It is not about any need for power or control  It is simply a need to understand what is going on and what is happening.   It chips at the core of the question “why are we here?”

One of the first rules of alchemy is to solve.  The second is breaking down of the parts the calcify our right to happiness.   Then you dissolve and separate.  Then you conjoin, distill and ferment and put it back together.  It goes against our sciences today.  It flows in a different pattern. 

If Jimi’s death and passing is a process in this regard, I am struggling to understand.   And, i do attempt to flow with the process.   Tomorrow is six months.  It not easier or harder.    I went out two nights ago to listen to some good music..I found the music and I found myself sitting alone….stretching my hand out to hold Jim’s hand.  That is when the person appeared and asked “is all the alchemy you are doing changing you?”    Death is strange.   Death I can not explain.   Is it alchemy?  Can you take it, separate it, distill it, ferment it and put it back together?   Maybe death is outside if alchemy in this material and human realm?  If Jim still exists it appears to be only in my imagination.   And, there, maybe, inside imagination, is true alchemy!

Are we waiting for the second coming?   How prepared are you?   I think is wise to assume that we all need grace to accept the next level of transformation and alchemy.   Whatever that might look like, it isn’t going to be mainstream..and it isn’t going to be following the program set for most of the world.   Are you ready?

All I can say is “I don’t know”.  I don’t know anything anymore.  I imagine, create, distill, ferment, separated, study and rest.    A hummingbird attacked me…well, not attacked but came at me in a moment of tears.   Is that a communication?   I don’t know!

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