The health of an ecosystem is determined by the strength of its predators! That is a statement and how I am starting this article. But, first, a hello to you the reader! I have been quiet on the purple-carrot club sharings/musing mainly because life has taken many twists and turns and I am finding myself immersed, deeply, in many personal projects.
I will start with a quick update to my feelings and wonderings after loosing Jim. I am okay. I have moments of cognitive dissonance that paralyze me into a moment of “shit, he is gone”. It is strange, these moments, as they don’t make sense. But, their spit second clamps crack me open. I usually shed a tear (sometimes an outright boo hoo) and then carry on. As time continues I find it means that I am to “get over it” and “get on with it”. I am…and I am in a pretty extreme way but I still feel the loss and still wonder “wtf happened”.
So life has me renovating the home and laboratory again. I think I am in a preparation stage as I am gearing up to the further studies in the soil food web. I intend to get this study “right”. It is part theory, part science and some art. It will test me to get the “criteria” correct, but I am ready. My property is dotted with windrows of different materials, stored, and waiting for assimilation. The lab, as I stated, is under another construction. I am posed.
I desired to go to the coast for a breather and intern break, but it didn’t happen. It didn’t happen because, I admit, am afraid to go alone. My friend cancelled. I will go and perhaps alone, but not now. Last time I was on the coast was right after Jimi’s passing. I desired to connect with my daughter and granddaughter but access was denied. The rumor mill in vilca is thick and crazy. Recently, I am reminded, over and over by many of the “other side of the story”. For the record, clear, loud and honest, Jim nor I did not kick G and Kaya out. It was not our choice. It was not our intention. We disagreed. I have not blocked or hindered further conversation about possibilities and have completed “our word” to them on our agreement. I am certain that “their”decision to do what they did had an impact on Jimi. He was heart-broken…and I too. It is evident. Part of Jimi gave up when they chose to leave. Unfortunately! I am left to render forgiveness and not to eliminate the situation that happened but to carry on with this difficult medicine and create something good and worthwhile. I am because I can and it is the right thing to do. I do not expect little Kaya will know me at all in the years to come but I anticipate a reconnection that is worthwhile and powerful. I recently stopped trying to communicate with Georgie as she has not responded to me. My heart and world is open to her…as it always will be. I care about her deeply and love her…and do what any Mother would do, hope for the best.
It is a tragedy really. And, I carry on with pure purpose knowing it is all is as it is meant to be. I know others are caring for them and supporting them in their time of need. Thing are not as they seem. I speak as a Mother!
This week I’ve repaired my first small engine (the weed wacker) and learned what a carburetor is (via youtube) and how the gas lines and muffler work. I had too! I cried that Jimi wasn’t here to do it, but I dug in and got to work. I blew out the fuel lines and changed the seals. I adjusted the H and the L and the LA. I’ve rebuilt shelves and interior spaces. I’ve continued to clean out the space while keeping Jimi in the space. I am just plain missing him and I hope he is smiling upon me. Basically, I forward march with tender longing that things could have been different. Shit, “could have” is such a shitty thing. But, here I am.
Now onto other things..important things. I am crushed by what is happening in the world. I am certain Jim, if he was here, would be doing his nut. I refrain from sharing too much because people have gone “mad”. The insults and disrespects are sickening. I acknowledge that my “choices” and “opinions may not be yours and I don’t hate you if you differ from me. But, what I see is a massive attack on those who are not buying or agreeing with the mainstream. I see a tremendous amount of fear and uncertainty. I see years of manipulation and propaganda oozing out of the consciousness of good people. I don’t want to defend my view…or argue with you. I acknowledge there is an evil present…and it will attack when it feels threatened. (side line, I wrote about this right after Jim passed..and the energy of Weitko…but, I am not ready to post, publically, yet. Reason? When you see evil and call it out, it attacks! Let me be stronger and more in harmonic control! Soon!
So, back to the ways of the world….
Of course, I admit, I am biased. I have chosen a different lifestyle and life to most. I see things differently. I believe with all my being that connection to nature is paramount to our survival. I desire for the control of my own life..and sovereignty That means I do my best not to rely on the systems. When I did rely on the systems, they failed me. I am not about changing the systems as much as I am about just not being dependent upon them. There is a cross-over here with people who think they are “connected” and “in the know” yet their lives show and prove they are reliant upon the system. I do feel there is a sinister underlay to all the systems around us (religious, political, medical, banking, and food systems). It is not people’s fault. However, the fault now is becoming personal. Don’t ask me to prove this…it is intuitive and deep in my daily being.
What is true for US is horrible though. If I stand up for what I believe to be good and true it, somehow creates tension and ugly responses. What is going on? Come on! Something is wrong..terribly wrong!
But, regardless, I will share what I see backed-up by my own, simply, logical ( I hope) feelings. I see a peddling of information to the average jane and joe that does intend this division.
I won’t inject…and for any one uncertain about having the injection, here are my thoughts. If there’s a small niggle of discomfort or a feeling of unease that won’t go away, this is your intuition speaking to you and I advise you to listen to it.
The internet is a minefield of information. There is the mainstream narrative peddled by the usual news outlets and there is also a whole host of information which is not based on truth or fact. Discerning between them is vital. Ultimately, we all need to tap into our intuition to figure out and follow what feels true and right for us. No one can do this for us.
No, I’m not a doctor. Neither am I a virologist, immunologist, neurologist or policy maker trained in contagion theory or pandemics. I do know something about natural health and follow the terrain theory. I am a student and I study with others who come to me asking for support. My goal and desire is to educate myself and others to make a truly informed decision.
Everyone has these capabilities. The critical thinkers! Jimi was one. I am too! Be open to it!
You don’t need to agree with what I write but my motives for sharing this information are completely pure. I’m motivated by love. Love for my friends and family who I deeply care for, and for humanity as a whole. My passion is helping people to heal, not to stop them from being well.
There is no “on the fence” anymore.
Whether it is your personal realm or the collective, the dividing line has been drawn. I do know what side I am on and I will continue to work hard and true to keep that alive and creative.
In the busyness of the Soil Web, you don’t war with the pathogens, you increase the good guys. I know a lot of what I see as “good guys” (and gals). I am blessed (or be-more’d) to have a circle who understands this. I am not at war with you who do not agree with me. At some point, the modern man (person) will turn to those who are like me…for help and sustenance. And, when that time comes, the modern and the natural will meet, greet and create.