There is a next step in evolution that is creeping into view. The grief of the last couple of months has created insights arising from the question “what now?”. I remember Jim sharing this was his “question” after Ruchel passed 10 years ago. It is a combination of realizing “they” are gone, accepting the reality and asking how “they” would like us to continue?.
For Jim, it was building his house. For me, it is continuing with the creation here on the land. When Jim was alive, I didn’t realize, fully, how much he appreciated what I brought and delivered into his world. Since his passing, I’ve reviewed many conversations and moments where he “told me” but I couldn’t hear due to my own issues. There has always been a sense that being “alone” is not good. Wow, I fought it for my entire life and my entire life it has been teaching me.
I am feeling very blessed and honored to be continuing with the dream we held together. I am afforded the time and place to do all I love to do. It humbles me. I am alone! It is here that magical things are happening…..
I just shared this post on social media last night….
Lock down is funny really!
Now the what next! It is no longer a question but an exclamation!
The new baby goat’s name is “yarrow”. My old gal, Sage, is not doing very well. I am not sure her age. She could be 12, 14 or more! But, I can accept it her times is coming to pass too and my role is to keep her comfortable. I went through a period of query lately where I didn’t know whether I could continue with some of the creations and losses around this land. The losses felt overwhelming. but the lessons BIG It is a lesson in embracing “alone” in order to elevate to the next level of creation.
And, there is a lot being created. The still is steaming, the bottles fermenting. Harvests are turning into wine and mash. The land is flourishing, the water trickling. I have taken all my writings from the past 10 years and imported them into this website. I am in more creation mode than I ever have been. It seems fitting that this one space (purple carrot) contains all the words I have shared. It amounts to over 150 articles sharing dreams of the past, now and future. It shares my messiness, wobbles and whines. It shares the creation on step at a time.
I continue with the soil work and the creation of the alchemy business “Living Ground” and the pieces are merging perfectly. I continue to create the compost piles and checking them under the microscope. I continue the learning process and realize that true knowing includes the sense of being uncertain. That uncertain-ness opens the cracks for imagination and development.
While my heart is still very sad and I experience the loss of Jim with a deep aching, I am okay. The “what now” is clear. And, being alone I can embrace as a blessing. Fuck, it took me a long time to understand this and life sure did make sure I was going to “get it”.
So, I will be blogging more about the creations and the alchemizations here on the purple-carrot club site. I will be sharing more about healing, forming, imaginative experiments. I will talk more about the soil and the amazing micro world that gives us life. I will add my little voice to this connect web to offset the energy of manipulation and control.
That is it for now other than sharing my deepest gratitude for Jim. Mom said to me “try to remember the good things”. I am!
PS Jim, you would have loved this…